dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
