I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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