WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
