Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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