I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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