either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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