nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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