We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
