My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
