I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
