I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize