it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
