And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
