so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
