i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize