I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
