Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
