If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
