if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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