Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
