I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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