Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize