Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
