We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize