You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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