Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize