He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
