if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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