Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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