so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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