I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you traded sex for a burrito?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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