So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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