After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
