Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
