this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
