You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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