I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
