I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
