if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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