My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
