So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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