the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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