As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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