I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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