What did we do last night that was yellow?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
