thus making me awesome and them whores
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
