people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
