so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
