It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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