barbara walters just said penis...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
