Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
