Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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