yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
