i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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