I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
