Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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