I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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