If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Green mimosas i think yes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
