Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
