it was like having sex with a tree stump
i would one night stand the shit outta him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
