get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
