A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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