The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
